Am I wrong?

The moment when my friend told me she hate me being a BADAR (a religious society in school) .. I was stunned. Yes, seriously but I smiled after a while. The next moment, I just said, "oh, ya ke?," leaving her alone. Its not that I didnt care what she felt or what myself felt. Jeez, it hurts. Hurt because all these while I thought my friend would be my support but i'm not wrong either, she still is. But the priority to me is not what she felt to me and my life. I know being a badar would slightly change me. Into a better person, insyaAllah as what I pray to Him and I dont find it bad for now. That is what I tried to achieve after all. Im still in my journey to find the light, to search for the 'rahmat'. I want to be loved by Him, who wouldn't? Back to the story, I know I wont let my friend hate me. Instead, I want her to find the badar so helpful. Yes, I want to be helpful to the muslims and myself fi dunya walakhirah. If given the choice, I wouldnt want to scold my friends like what the students setted off their mind on badar. I never wanted to but I would advice and im sorry I couldnt resist that. Why would I let something bad going around, eh? Or the least I have to hate it in myself and that would be very weak of my iman. Naudzubillahiminzalik. To hold an honour is the hardest to do. Its like setting one of your feet in the an-naar and another in jannah. See the risk? Don't ask me why did I took the risk. Humans are meant to be the caliphs and yet, why wouldn't I take the chance? Try to say yes to things and InsyaAllah, Allah will show us the way.

I am still afraid of holding the honour but i'll pray so that Allah guide me along. Sirat al-mustaqeem, insyaAllah. Pray for me as well.

'inkunta so'idan sofik yadaik!'
Now, clap your hands so that I know you are happy! Haha. Silly me. That's one line in a song, ' if you're happy and you know it clap your hands!'. I learnt that when I was 13

Jakallah,